Misunderstood

We often feel misunderstood. Be it by a friend, a sibling, a relative, a parent, or even a stranger. At some point in life, we have felt misunderstood.

We meet people from all walks of life. Some bring you light and joy. Some bring you darkness and doubt. Some bring you a little bit of all. But these are the people you love and who loves you back. Yet, we can still feel misunderstood.

To avoid misunderstandings, the most common advice given is communication. But what do you do when you can’t seem to express yourself? What do you do when whatever comes out just seems to give the wrong message? It is frustrating. It is disheartening. And it is lonely.

It is a constant struggle to keep one’s emotion in check when one is trying to explain oneself repeatedly. But expressing and explaining it out in a flustered state is no help at all. It only burns the already overbaked cake.

So we learn instead. We learn to swallow our anger, our frustration, our hurt, and our disappointment. We learn to listen. Despite being accused, misunderstood, and backed into a corner, we choose to listen instead.

As one who often gets misunderstood, one begins to put on different lenses to try to understand how it looks like from a different perspective. One learns to slip on someone else’s boots to try to understand how it feels like to walk in them.

One learns to see. One learns to listen. One learns to understand.

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Darkness

How does one unconsciously turn into a pushback tractor?

What circumstances makes one’s choice to be blind when it comes to others?

Why does one become an archer when they speak?

When does one turn deaf towards sensitivity?

People hurt others first so they don’t get hurt. With fences built so high, tearing them down would be seemingly impossible. Every word comes with an arrow. And fear hides behind every ignorant action.

Who wouldn’t be afraid of rejection? Loneliness? Loss? Or the feeling of being unwanted or just an extra.

Why would one put themselves in a place so dark, they forget who they are. Maybe it was a traumatizing past, a breakup, a loss, or lack of affection. So they dig, and dig, until it is dark enough for them to curl up and stay.

Fearing that caring too much would only lead to being taken advantage of, little by little one stops caring, stops loving, stops believing, stops hoping. One just stops.

I believe that it is just a phase. A phase where one feels that everyone and the world is against them. In reality, the only one who is against them is themselves. The state of being vulnerable places us at risk of being let down, again. Hence, we run the other direction and switch off our emotions.

Don’t turn on yourself. Don’t build barricades. Don’t separate yourself from your feelings and your heart. Because by doing that, yes, you don’t get to feel hurt, sad, or emotionally broken. But you also don’t get to feel the highest of the high, you don’t get to feel true bliss and the fuzzy warm feeling that comes with love.

To be loved, you have to first love.

Building

The definition of destiny is the hidden power believed to control future events. In other words, fate. Are we really going to let fate or soulmate be an excuse? Are we not in control of our own life?

The way I see it, it is up to us to choose to put the door in front of us. We create our own opportunity. We write our own story.

Love is a choice. Sure, at the beginning when cupid hits, sparks fly. You feel like you are floating on cloud nine and waking up to Good morning, beautiful texts couldn’t get any better. But as days turn into nights over the months and the honeymoon phase is up, frustration, impatience and temper come swooping in. Before you know it, everyday is a constant battle.

Why did he not reply for the past three hours?

Where in the world is she?

How is he able to laugh and joke with his friends when we’re still fighting?

Who is that guy she’s talking to?

All these doubts starts to form and pile up like unpaid bills. And if not careful, suspicions will come biting its way in.

Does he not love me anymore?

Is she cheating on me?

Accumulation of all these negative emotions and thoughts will one day ignite and blow up.

Take a building for an example. In construction, before concreting the columns, you need to build footings. You need a proper foundation. Likewise, before getting into a relationship, what type of foundation do you want to have? Building foundations are categorized into two: shallow foundations and deep foundations. Which one of these foundations are you going to build your relationship on?

When you move into a new home, you need to make sure regular maintenance is done. Just like relationships, you need to constantly work on it. Inadequate maintenance will lead to leaking in buildings, just like tear-falling. Eventually, a building without proper care will one day lead to its demise. And unfortunately, the end of a relationship.

Relationships need to be built on solid foundations like communication, trust and commitment. If not careful, when you have to juggle life, career, family, relationship and friends, meeting up with your partner may seem like a chore than a blessing. As humans, we unconsciously take what we have for granted.

Let’s not forget to show our appreciation or say our thank yous. Let’s not forget to say simple encouraging words that supply warmth, energy and enthusiasm.

Bridges

In every stage of life, you’ll meet new friends and at the same time, you’ll lose good friends. Some due to losing touch, some the distance that cost the friendship, whereas others, from unresolved problems.

There was someone I had the pleasure of meeting who taught me many lessons about life. She encouraged me when I was down, guided me when I was lost, and be present when I felt alone. She showed me that friendships go beyond the door. We shared many interests and thanks to her, I have picked up new ones too.

Our friendship is no different from any other; we print some of the best and worst memories. Each of us have our own individuality, our strength and weaknesses and as flawed as we both are, we truly cared for each other at one point in life. We allowed the cracks to widen, as mistakes and misunderstandings come in between us.

Through mutual friends and Instagram photos, we are both living our separate lives filled with love (and yummy food). I am happy and proud to know that she continued to grow into an extraordinary person.

Despite the disappointment of having the door slammed in my face when I tried to reach out , I understand she was not ready then. I miss you, dear friend, and I will always be here with arms wide open, should you miss me too. Who knows, perhaps ten years from now, as how the television always portrays it, we would bump into each other along the streets and have our second chance to start anew.

Dear readers, if there was ever a mistake or a misunderstanding that cost your friendship and if the friendship is worth keeping, salvage it. The longer you wait, the more the bridge will smolder. Just know that sincerity, apology and acceptance go a long way.

Picture

The waves bawled to the sands,
As the sun glared down on it.
The rocks held me unwaveringly,
As my hands grazed upon it.

The clouds lingered on the horizon,
And awaited the night to invade its way.
The birds danced around the heaven,
In harmonic to the insects’ hums.

The sequence of these animation,
Does not hold significance.
Because when you look at it altogether,
They make one beautiful picture.

You see, in everything that we do,
We can choose to be the flare or the holler,
We can choose to be a beam of support,
We can choose to be a teammate.

Wave Swinger

You came like a gust of wind,
And embraced me independently.
In the moments that you were around,
You took me to the highest of high.

And when you left,
Cold was all I knew.
Because when you left,
You threw me to plumb new depths.

We have been on the wave swinger,
With the carousel towering above us.
We have stayed longer,
Than the changing of ten seasons.

I have to get off this ride,
For it has given me two extremes.
Forgive me for wanting,
Just the mundane and unexciting.

The lit in my eyes,
Flee only to leave melancholy.
This journey will end in goodbyes,
And I’m thankful it taught me joviality.

I will stand my ground this time,
And I will get off this cycle.
This beautiful adventure of mine,
Will be buried under the layers of apple.

Season

The monitor’s glare mirrored your intensity,
And revealed your focus and attention.
The gleam reflected your furrowed brows,
But your confidence was not shadowed.

A sudden shift echoed through the room,
Prompted you to look up steadfastly.
The intentness generated an electric heating,
And betrayed the gripping shyness.

It was then through gaze,
We found silent companionship.
As the sun and moon take turns,
It was perhaps not the right season.

This moment brought us back,
And broke the stillness within us.
Could this be the phase of change,
In preparation for a new chapter?

Would the hands of the previous winter,
Be ready to forget the cold?
The possibility of accepting an extra pair,
For warmth doesn’t seem that far gone.